Olympian Zoo
by The Daydreamress
Summary: What happens when Apollo makes a mistake and turns all the Olympians in their sacred animals? Or when Nemesis and Hecate send them to NY Zoo? What's the reaction of the demigods? Is caps lock that unfashionable? Follow the drama and dilemas of the gods trapped in animals' bodies. Will they be able to fix this mess? Rated T for swearing and stuff. First Fanfic! R
1. Kicked out of Nemesis' temple show

**A/N – This is a parody of the life of the Olympians (they're OOC) that popped in my mind at the zoo. We were watching the geese and one of them started clapping its wings like it wanted to fly. My friend started singing ****_I Believe I Can Fly _**** and I thought: Hey that sounds like something Apollo would do, thou his sacred animals may vary from crows to dolphins to mice, but it's equally dumb (Really sorry, Apollo, please, don't zap me… can I pull the father-daughter-favor card?) , because geese don't fly and wow, I'm ADHD… And I thought, why don't I turn the Olympians to their sacred animals and dump them at the zoo? Ha ha, that would be hilarious. Reason 2 is that I recently had a really bad heartbreak (you could send me a hug with the review… if you send a review) and I needed a laugh. Sorry for this awfully long AN, it won't happen again. So, let's start the story!**

**Cast (legend)**

**_Zeus - Zeagle_**

**_Hera - Heracock (A/N - LOL Totally awsome coincidence!) or Peahera_**

**_Poseidon - Posy pony or Horseidon_**

**_Athena - Athy owl or Owlthena_**

**_Hermes - Hermy snake_**

**_Artemis - Arty doe_**

**_Ares - Aresdog or Aresboar _****(A/N - Lame, I know)**

**_Aphrodite - Aphy dove_**

**_Hephaestus - Hephy donkey_**

**_Demeter - Demy swine (Sorry…)_**

**_Dionysus - Diony tiger_**

**_Apollo - Apomouse_**

**Chapter 1**

**Kicked out of Nemesis' temple show**

Artemis and Apollo were fighting. Again. It was Apollo's fault. As always. Nothing new on Olympus. This time Apollo said jackalopes are lame.

"They're weak and bunny-looking! It's shame to our kind!" He stated.

"They're better than men in the first place!" Artemis argued.

"I'm so much hotter, stronger, and less furry than a jackalope and don't you dare say otherwise!" Apollo was red in rage.

"Oh, Boo hoo, cry me a river! That's exactly why your sacred animal is a mouse!" Artemis mocked the tomato-looking god. "And you're definitely not less furry – no, hairy – than a jackalope. I'm not arguing with you anymore, because you're going to infect me with your stupidity. Peace out, sucker!"

When she said that, she spun on her heels and left the pwned god with need of anger management classes. Apollo was angry. Like _really _angry. Like angrier than the time when Hermes stole his bellbottom jeans to go to a club with that girl… what was her name…? May! Yes, he stole Apollo's bellbottom jeans to go to a club with a girl named May… So, back to the topic – Apollo was angry. He decided to make a haiku to relieve himself. That didn't sound right… He made a haiku to relieve his _anger_. Yep, anger. Here it goes:

_I am so awesome._

_Better than a jackalope._

_Artemis is annoying._

Sucky as ever, but Apollo had a different point of view. _Perfect_, he thought, _But I'm still angry… I got it! I'll take revenge!_ He laughed maniacally and went to Nemesis' to seek his revenge. Literally.

At Nemesis':

"HEY, NEEEMYYY!" He CAPS LOCKed once he passed the doorsteps. "I NEED REVEEEN-"

He was interrupted by a hand covering his mouth. It was Nemesis, who had just materialized in front of him and was blocking his CAPSing.

"I HEARD YOU APOLLO! STOP CAPSING! WE'RE NOT HAVING A CAPSING CONTEST! THERE IS NO NEED FOR CAPS IN THIS HOUSE! YOU SHOULDN'T BE CAPSING HERE! CAPSING IS SO OUT OF FASHION!" She paused to take a breath. "DO YOU HAVE ANY QUESTIONS ABOUT CAPSING NOW, APOLLO?"

"Umm… Yeah? Why are you CAPSing? That's like so 27 seconds ago." Apollo answered.

Nemesis face palmed…

So Apollo told her his situation and she half-stated,

"I can see…"

"Oh, I love that game!" Apollo jumped. "Is it blue? Or is it yellow? Is it round like a halo?"

Nemesis sat up and grinned like he had done something she had been waiting for the past eternity. Suddenly a crowd appeared and started clapping and out of nowhere a stage materialized, audience and one of those screens, which show: Applause.

"Congratulations, Apollo of Olympus, son of Lethe and Zeus, brother of Artemis, you just succeeded in rhyming something… kind of normally… Oh, who am I kidding, it was lame, but I have to get rid of you!" She hesitated and started looking for something in her pockets. "And you get a prize! Almost reached it… C'mon… Yes! I got it! You get a paper clip!"

The crowd cheered as Apollo got on the newly-appeared stage and started his speech,

"Thank you, thank you so much! I've been working so hard for this award and now that I finally got it I want to thank-"

But he didn't get to finish, because Nemesis cut him off,

"Ok, time's up! Thank you Apollo! Applause, please."

People cheered once again as they pushed a very confused Apollo off stage and to the door. The last thing he saw was Nemesis calling the next contestant,

"Our next victim, uh, I mean contestant, is Hermes!" Nemesis made a surprised, but not less confused than Apollo, Hermes appear on the stage.

Apollo was finally pushed out the door. He wanted to watch Hermes' performance, but the door was locked, so he shrugged and started walking towards his temple… But he got tired and called his BMW Sunrise and drove to his temple.

**So, this is the first chappy and I'm going to update soon(If someone's actually interrested in this story anyway), I promice! R&R Thanx!**


	2. Athena's library and a sexy voice?

**I was really surprised that someone reads my story! When I saw the views I started jumping up and down and the maniacal grin hasn't left my face yet! So I'm thinking about updating a 600-word or so chapter every 2 days. Or 1 long once a week? Tell me what you guys think, ok?**

**Before I forget, jacksonpotterridefan101, you are so right! I don't even know what was I thinking then! XD! So Apollo's new name is Apo dolphin! Yay! I made him a dolphin, because I didn't think a crow would fit in a zoo eighter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own anything but the plot... But that's enough for me :3! *runs around singing: ****_I'm a happy demigod demigod demigod! I'm a happy demigod! I have a lot views!_***** Ok, that was long... Sorry and enjoy the story!**

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**Chapter 2**

**Athena's library and a sexy voice?**

When he got in he realized he still hadn't found a way to get back at Artemis. He decided to go to Athena for answers. And so he went to seek Athena at her library. When he got there he capsed:

"HEY AAATHYYY! I NEED ADVICE!"

"SHHHH! How dare you disturb me like this in my own library?!" A really disturbed Athena appeared in front of him "And capsing on top of that!" she deadpanned. "Do you know how 32 minutes ago that is? Even I, the most nerdy and stuck up goddess existing **(A/N No offence! She's actually my fav goddess :3)**, know that!"

Then she beat him up, Zeus knows why.

(Fonts in the conversation: _Zeus-Italic_, Me-Underlined)

_Nope, even I, the almighty king of the gods and heavens have no idea why my perfectly loving and caring intelligent daughter would do someth-_

Ok, Zeus, we got it. You're fat and you don't know.

_Hey! I am definitely __**not**____fat! Shut up or I'll zap you with my lightning! And don't you dare interrupt me as I am having a speech moment, because I am the almighty king of the- Oh, forget that! It's too long, I need another one…_

Yes, yes you do. Now shut up!

_Who said I'm fat anyways?_

The mirror! Now let me narrate, because I am the almighty author and narrator of this story and I can kick your ass if I want to! What did I just say?! You're rubbing off on me! YOU SEE WHAT YOU ARE MAKING ME DO?! OH, SO NOW I'M CAPSING! SHUT UP BEFORE I DECIDE TO SEND YOU TO TARTARUS BEFORE THE STORY HAS EVEN STARTED!

_Humph!_

So, where were we, before we were oh-so-rudely interrupted by air-head over there? Ah, yes, Athena beat up Apollo in a library… Yep… She beat him and sent him to the diary, ahem_,_ _chronicles _section to find out how gods and titans before him had dealt with annoying sisters like his.

Apollo had no problem finding the section. But he had a different problem… He couldn't read. _So that's why I never go to libraries, _the sun god thought, _And I thought my GPS was broken!_

He decided to buy an audio book. He then sat in a quiet corner of the library and began listening… until he started screaming in agony:

"AHHHH! This voice… It can't be! It's just too sexy! NOOO! IT'S EVEN MAKING ME CAPS! IT'S SEXIER THAN MINEEE! MAKE IT STO-" What could he have done? The voice was sexy. It was made for satisfying listeners. That came out wrong… You know what I mean! Anyway, Apollo was cut off by an angry-because-the-stupid-sun-god-just-shouted-in-m y-oh-so-peaceful-library Athena. She was probably in a beating-up mood that day…

The voice kept going and Apollo kept screaming and guess what happened next. The weirdest most fictional and impossible-in-real-life coincidence happened on Olympus:

While Apollo was screaming, Hermes had just finished with Nemesis' torture, ahem_, TV _show and was late for a couple of deliveries and decided give Athena her mail first. He heard Apollo screaming and thought it was an emergency. Hermes started shouting with him, but he was shouting _'EMERGENCY'_. Apollo heard him exactly at the time the annoyingly sexy voice said,

"In case of an emergency go to Hecate for some magical help. My voice is so sexy. In case of drunk grape vines, trying to strangle you, call Dionysus, thow he's not gonna help you. My voice is still-" Ok, I'm stopping here, because it got annoying. The point is that Apollo heard the part with the emergency and while dodgind Athena's fists and kicks, he managed to get to his BMW and headed for Hecate's.

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**See ya, guys! Don't forget to review! I love you all!**


	3. A Little Love and The Wrong Choise

**A/N - Hilooo! How are ya guys! I'm back with my longest chapter yet. 1 500 words or so... No biggie *SARCASM* . I've been writing it whole day (with brakes of course). And by the way, Happy Easter Holidayyyy! 6 days of doing nothing (except the Easter stuff)! At least in Bulgaria it's like that... Anyways, I'm giving a little roomaancee here! Aaand we've got a new unexpected pairing- Apollis!**

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**My Horrible Disclaimer: **

_**I do not own**_

_**PJO nor HOO**_

_**Neighter the gods**_

**_That's against all odds._**** (Could someone tell me what does this line mean? I saw it in The Last Olympian and I was wondering...)**

**That just capsed: LAAAMEEE! So on with the story!**

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**Chapter 3**

**Rainbow gum, chocolate soufflé and a little love**

Me-Underlined

Apollo was halfway to Hecate, while Zeus was trying to call Iris to spread the word for an emergency meeting in 56 minutes.

"Iris! Where is that no good maiden?" He was calling her… Yeah, he hasn't updated his vocabulary since… um… never mind, his _way of speech _is just out of date. A lot. "IRIS!" And now he's capsing… May Kronos help us. Oh, let's not even bother asking we all know he's not. And Zeus will keep on capsing… "IRIS, ARRIVE!" Face palm… Iris is **_not_**a dog!

Anyway Iris decided to show up at the end. I mean the beginning… Oh, sometime!

"Ok, ok I'm here! No need for capsing." She appeared.

"Ah, fascinating." Zeus was delighted. ...-.- Only he can do that, I quit. "Now help me to spread the word about the spontaneous meeting I decided to throw in the middle of this beautiful day."

"But you ruined my rainbow gum with that capsing! Look at it!"

She stuck her tongue out, so that Zeus could see the gum inside. There was something written on it, so he put on his monocle, yes, he has a _monocle_, and read:

_Caps Alert! You just capsed and the horrible lack of fashion and swag in this act has ruined this rainbow colored gum. It's about to explode in 5... 4... 3-_

Zeus stopped reading and screamed like a little girl,

"Get this gum away and run! AHHH!"

"Chillax, Z! It's not like it' going to explode," Iris tried calming Zeus down.

When he finished hyperventilating, he continued reading the script:

_Ha! you were just pranked by Hermes Inc.! Seriously, how could a gum explode? Anyway you have actually wrecked the gum with your unknowingness of 21__st__ century swag and it's about to lose its color._

Right at that moment the gum turned green- Wait green? Hmm… I guess I'll have to fix that. *waves the magical story wand* Done! Now let's try to read that again: Right at this moment the gum turned gray. Meh… It's not a rainbow color so I'm ok. However, Zeus couldn't care less, so he gave Iris a couple of drachmas to buy another and starting telling her about the meeting:

"Tell everybody to arrive here in 51 minutes."

Wow, that was short… But that didn't seem to bother Iris. She was wondering something else,

"Why 51 minutes?"

"Because my chocolate soufflé is in the oven and it needs 10 minutes to become the room's temperature before it's good to eat." Zeus answered cheerfully and unfashionable, as always. And I thought Hera was the perfect wife…

Anyway Iris disappeared and decided she had a lot of time, so she thought she could hand with Hermes and maybe… I don't know… _Persuade_ him to deliver the messages? Yeah, she could do that.

At that time Apollo arrived at Hecate's and was about to knock on the door when it opened itself like in those creepy movies. It was dark and covered in cobwebs inside. Until he found the light key… Anyway inside he found a really weird picture: a black cat with moustache and a witch's hat riding a bike on the moon with Artemis' deer.

Probably Photoshop, he thought, but why would Hecky keep that picture in her temple?

He never found out… However, next to the picture were three books:

Nemesis' plans of revenge on the Olympian gods by Nemesis

How to steal Nemesis's stuff without getting caught by Hermes

Hecate's spell book by Hecate

Hmm… He couldn't actually read the titles, so he took all three of them and the picture and drove back to his temple. When he got there, he noticed a giggling Iris and a flirtatious Hermes with a couple of letters in one hand and the other around Iris' shoulder. Apollo couldn't help but feel jealous, because he had developed a crush on Iris a couple of months ago.

"Hermes! Exactly who I needed!" He thought Hermes could read the books for him. He didn't want to go to Athena's again… *shudder* _Never again. _"Oh, and hello to you too, Iris! Why don't you two come in? I'll make some kool-aid. C'mon!"

He did a good job hiding his feelings. That didn't work with Artemis, though… Whenever he was around her, he would blow up in anger when she won all the arguments. Anyway, the two gods went in the temple and sat around the coffee table, while Apollo made kool-aid. When he was done he sat between Hermes and Iris and started talking,

"See, Hermes, I went to Hecate's for some magical help, like the stupid sexy voice said, and I found these books and this picture. Which one could help me?"

"Mine, of course!" He pointed at the second book.

But after all, Apollo was the god of truth, so he could detect if-

"You're lying."

Exactly.

"Psht! Why would you think something like that?! I am an innocent mailman! You can't come here and accuse me of lying! But how did you find out, anyway?" Hermes tried to defend himself, but failed miserably. You'd think the god of lies_ would be able to _lie…

Iris decided to cut in, "Guys! Let's just play rock, paper, scissors and get over with this. I have messages to deliver."

"I can help you!" Apollo and Hermes said at the same time.

On the inside Iris was half cheering and the other half was guilty. She was used to giving Hermes her messages and knew he had nothing against that, but she didn't want to drag Apollo in their job too. She may have started liking him a while ago… He was so cheery, happy, sunny and always made her laugh when he did something silly. Like 10 minutes ago, when he had tripped on a rock and almost fell face-fist on the ground, while he was getting off his car.

They decided to play rock, paper, scissors and everyone called dibs on a certain book: Hermes-2; Apollo-1; Iris-3

Of course, Apollo, being the god of prophesies, had some advantage. He made Iris win for obvious reasons. He he he…

The gods continued chatting after they had chosen the book until Hermes said he had to go and offered to deliver Iris' messages. She told him what he had to do and said she would stay with Apollo for a while when she noticed he was going to offer his help too. Hermes didn't look too happy about it, but Iris didn't mind at all and while they were talking they found out they had a lot in common. Like the love for Skittles, the color orange (don't ask) and koalas(don't ask again), the hate towards books and Hera, and many other stuff. But it looks like time has bought a pair of Hermes's brand shoes, because it was flying _fast_. In no time it was time for the meeting… and Zeus' soufflé. Apollo was about to say goodbye, but Iris insisted on going with him.

And there they are – Apollo with a book in one hand and Iris' hand in the other (It just happened, OK?) and Iris, telling him she had a really great time. Though, they were just having a little talk at Apollo's temple. They were starting to really like each other. Too bad they didn't know what the fates had planned for them.

Iris wasn't allowed at the meeting because it was only for Olympians, so she said goodbye and right before the door closed she kissed him on the cheek. Apollo was redder than the reddest reddy red you can think of… and he was smiling like an idiot. I'm smiling knowingly like the Cheshire cat right now too.

Unfortunately, he didn't notice the other 11 gods staring at him, while he was happy dancy cheery skipping to his throne. Aphrodite, as always, saw all their little scene. She was hardly holding back all her shrieks and squeals. Finally, they could start the meeting. Athena was the first one to say something,

"Why did you call us, Dad?"

"A very fine question, daughter. I got lonely…" Seriously, Zeus? I thought you'd at least give them soufflé! "Well, I made soufflé... Does anyone want some?"

They all shared a "Yes!" and started pushing each other to the kitchen.

Apollo managed to hide a piece for Iris before the gods all stuffed themselves with Zeus' soufflé, which was surprisingly delicious, after which they all headed for their thrones. The sun god, being his clumsy self, pushed the spell book on the floor while sitting and it fell open. What happened next isn't exactly what they were expecting.

There was a bright light and suddenly all the gods started becoming smaller and furrier or more feathery… And voila! The moment we were all waiting for:

The gods had turned to their sacred animals.

While panic was spreading across the room, a goddess was hiding in a corner, laughing evilly. They had fallen right in her trap. Apollo should have won the rock, paper, scissors fight. But the start of one love* can ruin a whole kingdom… And so it was.

To be continued…

*Yep, it's love. *smiling like the Cheshire cat but bigger and creepier*

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**I will be back! Wait for the day after tomorrow! Peace out! R&R!**


	4. Apollock Holmes And Dr Iritson

**A/N - Hilooo! I'm reallyreallyreallyreeeally sorry for not updating, but they took my laptop away for Easter 'to be with my family'. Ha! As if I don't see them every week! Anyway I have decided that I should update once every 4 or 5 days NEVER longer than a week even if it's a few words, not that I will ever do that, the words would be around 1000 or so. **

**So, it's time for our DISCLAIMER:**

**I do ****_NOT_**** look like Rick Riordan a BIT! And I'm proud I'm not a middle aged man with sadistic clifhangers and salt-pepper hair!**

**TA-DAAA**

**Let's read peepz!**

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**Chapter 4**

**Apollock Holmes and Dr. Iritson **

_Short names for the Olympians_

_Apo__do__lphin__ – Polphin – Apollock_

_Zeag__le – Zeag_

_Herac__o__ck __– Racy – Heack_

_Hor__se__don__ – Hordon_

_O__wlth__ena__ – Onea_

_A__phro__d__ove – Addy _

_He__p__h__adon__key – Padon_

_A__reb__o__ar__ – Rebar_

_D__emesw__ine__ – Dine_

_A__rte__d__o__e__ – Adé_

_H__ermesn__ake__ – Hake_

_D__i__on__ytig__er__ – Donner_

_Gods + Animals = Godnimals_

Me-Underlined

Iris was standing outside the throne when she saw traces of bright light from under the door and heard animal sounds. She bolted in to see 11 animals defining _Chaos_ and _WTF?!_ She also saw a dark feminine figure in the corner, but it disappeared so fast, that Iris thought she had imagined it.

Her first thought was: _Where's Apollo?_ Aww!

She rushed to his throne to find a dolphin quietly listening to his mp3 player (he had put it on before he was turned) with its eyes closed. First, it was _sitting, _second, it was _listening to a MP3 player _and third – it seemed to be living its life completely normally_ out of water_. The dolphin was either absolutely stupid, oblivious, blind, deaf, dumb, dense, obtuse and with no self-contain instinct, or it was Apollo. Since Apollo was nowhere to be seen, Iris decided on the second option and pulled the earphones out of his (invisible?) ears. Apodolphin was startled at first and tried to grab back its headphones without opening his eyes first but found out he was missing fingers… and hands… and arms… And he started screaming too as he looked down…

Ok, now we have a full panic pack! Iris somehow understood what they were saying. Probably something connected to the fact that they're gods. Anyway, here's what they were saying:

Zeagle: Oh, curses! Styx! Hades! Wait… These feathers are really soft…

Heracock: I'm so gracious and beautiful! Thank you whoever did that! Wait… Why is Dioniger looking at me like that?

Horsedon: Ha ha! Everyone's panicking and I'm totally chill! Wait a second… Why am I black? I wanted to be white! Haven't you read _The_ _Lightning_ _Thief_? I was a _white _stallion in the dream! Not some black piece of sh**!

Owlthena: I'm an owl… I don't really have anything else to say. I'm ok with it.

Hermesnake: I'm a snake! I can poison you and pickpocket you! Wait… I don't have any hands… WHYYY!? I can't prank anyone in this state! Man!

Artedoe: Iris! Help me! (She was the first to notice Iris) I can't shoot arrows like that! How am I supposed to shoot my insufferable brother and Hermes? Wait… What am I stepping on?

Hermesnake: Can't… breathe… Hooves of… a 50-pound... doe... hurt... HELP MEEE! *coughing and gasping for air*

Artedoe: Ha ha! Never mind, Iris, I think I'll be fine.

Aphrodove: NOOO! APOLLO'S A DOLPHIN! HOW AM I GOING TO MAKE APOLLIS HAPPEN? Wait a second… Why am I capsing?

Areboar: Your mother's a (_This has been blocked from FanFiction for very inappropriate language.)_! Give me my body back you (_This too_)!

Hephadonkey: No! How am I going to work in my forge like that!

Demeswine: Forget about the forge! What about my gardens, fields and… Oh, Hades! How am I going to eat cereal like this!?

Dioniger: Imma eat a peacock! Mwahahaha!

And Apodolphin was staring at his new body and screaming occasionally.

Iris decided she had had enough, so she capsed,

"QUIET!"

A silence followed. Aphrodove was the first one to brake it:

"Iris, capsing is unfashionable. Read a magazine." She got a respond of 10 'yeahs' and one 'shut up'. Apodolphin was too busy being shocked. When he finally recovered he asked:

"How the duck did this happen?!"

The dolphin, to be more specific, but otherwise that was actually the most reasonable question by then. It seemed like everyone was agreeing. Wow, that's a first. Anyway they decided to look for clues.

Hermesnake was the first to find the opened book on the floor.

"Hey, Polphin, isn't that one of the books you stole from Hecate?"

All heads (well, muzzles and stuff…) turned to him, except Iris'.

"I should have known!" She face palmed.

"You should have known what?" Owlthena asked suspectingly narrowing her eyes... um… owly-narrowed... owly... Oh, forget it!

"Hecate's spell book! There was some spell and you opened it and now everything is screwed up!" Iris shouted.

"Well, I'm sorry for choosing that book and wining! Oh, wait! That was you!" Apodolphin defended himself.

The next 10 minutes were spent in fighting between the rainbow goddess and a talking dolphin and 11 godnimals watching it like a tennis match. In the argument the godnimals found out what the other books were, how he found them and a little slip out from Polphin:

"Well, I wouldn't have made you win, if-" He caught himself in the middle and mentally face palmed. Because his fins were too short for him to do it for real.

"Wait, you made me win? Why?" Iris' voice was softening.

If dolphins could blush, Apodolphin would have, but since they couldn't, he kept his… um, face? Anyway, it was blank.

"Yes, but the point is we need to fix this. Let's just stop fighting and think."

Artedoe couldn't help but laugh. Her brother? Think? No way. However, Polphin heard that and dolphin-death-glared her. As much as he could… Showing any kind of emotion is quite hard in an animal's body.

A few moments after, 12 godnimals were spread all over the throne room, searching for clues and trying to figure out what had happened. A few managed to start conversations with others, like Apolphin and Iris.

"So, Apollock, what exactly are we looking for?" Iris asked.

Apollock, um, I mean Apodolphin, looked at her like she was crazy.

"Oh, yeah I forgot you don't read books. The main character in this British detective novel is called Sherlock Holmes. Apollo + Sherlock = Apollock. There's also this man, Dr. Watson, who's helping him." Iris explained.

"So that would make you Dr. Iritson, my sidekick!" Polphin shouted excitedly.

"Um… You do know that you are the shorter and more inferior life form here, right?"

"Don't you try messin' my mind with big words, woman! I ain't givin' in on that!" Apodolphin said in a horrible southern bell accent on which Iris couldn't help but laugh. He liked her laugh. It lit up the whole room for him. Uh-oh. The room was actually lighting up! In the next moment all the godnimals were gone. That left Iris standing in the room alone, staring into space.

"Gods dammit! I'm starting to hate bright lights…" After that she disappeared in one of her own.

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**Well, another chapter is over... I'm sorry for the cursing fail, but my dad's most likely reading this, so I won't risk... I will be back in a couple of days! For real this time! Wish me luck, I'm facing my History teacher (most probably a fury or something) tomorrow, so I'm DOOMED! Hope you enjoyed and leave a review!**


	5. A Hellhole Zoo with Aladdina Indiaman

**Hiloooo! I'm alive! With a 1 800 word chapie! I'm a little late, which I'm really sorry for,but I just developed an ****_Austin & Ally _****mania and I'm spending every free minute looking for videos... That's not gonna last long, cuz I'm almost done with all the avalable episodes. Ok, enough about me and moving on to my disclaimer. It's like one a.m. here and my muse's on a vacation, so my disclaimer's gonna suck...**

**Disclaimer: I. Do. Not. Own. PJO. . Nor. The. Gods. Get over it and let me sleep.**

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**Chapter 5**

**A hellhole zoo with Aladdina Indiaman**

The throne room was empty. Wait... What's that shadow in the corner?

"Mwahahaha! After the gods are turned to animals nothing can stop me from being the ruler of Olympus. I will have my revenge!"

Oh look, it's Nemesis!

"Shush, you foolish author!"

Oh c'mon, we already have one Zeus, we don't need another one!

"Fine, now for ruling Olympus: Stupid Apollo couldn't read my plans, so he doesn't know anything!" She spoke to herself. "Now part 3.8 of my plan is complete! Thanks for the help Cate."

Um… It looks like she was not all by herself in there. Hecate showed up from the shadows too. She had an evil smile on her face.

"They must learn to respect us, the minor goddesses! We shall teach them a lesson!" she said. C'mon, guys, didn't I just say something about not wanting another Zeus?

"Let's see what's happening down there." Nemesis said and vanished along with Hecate.

Meanwhile Iris was trying to find out where the godnimals were. The bar? No. The hospital? No. The café? Yeah, 12 semi-intelligent immortal animals would be sitting quietly at a café and discussing the weather. Note the sarcasm. Why was New York so normal looking? Why weren't panicked mobs shouting and running for their lives? _Wait a second_, she thought, _where is it normal to see animals? _The zoo. The Zoo! I feel like one of those Mickey Mouse cartoons, where they think kids are dense, give them absolutely dumb questions and answer after 10 awkward silent minutes…

She headed to the NY Zoo, owned by a really rich Indian man with a spoiled fangirl daughter named Aladdina, who likes to sing on her flying carpet. You've got to love NY and its content!

At that time 3 huge boxes with a _FRAGILE_ sticker were arriving at NYZ. Only their occupants could understand what was going on there. And, of course, the narrator! So here it is:

Box #1: Zeagle, Heracock, Owlthena, Aphrodove and a bowl of seeds. They were sitting and discussing in a civilized manner what color paint should be the walls in the throne room. Ha! That's so stuck up! Why is Aphrodove doing this? Maybe she likes decorating… They'll probably look at the paint drying, observing from their present state. Wow, what's with me and smart words? Anyway, let's continue;

Box #2: Dioniger, Horsedon, Areboar and Hephadonkey are playing poker and smoking weed (NEVER DO THAT, KIDS! But otherwise: LOL to the picture!) next to a now empty bowl of meat. Now that's fun (NO, IT'S NOT! THE RATING IS MAKING ME DO THIS!). They were talking about probably uncensored stuff, men talk about. I couldn't know, cuz I'm not a man. Ok, moving on!

Box #3: The people left, which included Demeswine, Apodolphin, Artedoe and Hermesnake, were wondering what to play. Arty wanted to play go fish, but none of them had hands… Which made me wonder how was box #2 doing their stuff… However, Artedoe said it didn't matter and looked maniacally at Polphin. Uh-oh. Good thing Demi managed to get in between them, while Hermesnake was trying to dial George and Marta with his tail. A really pathetic picture.

They were surprised in the start, but there was narrator gas, which changed their reactions and now they're talking about wall paint, playing poker and other random things in the boxes.

At once, the boxes were turn over despite the _FRAGILE _sticker. The godnimals were startled, but soon enough the… um, doors opened and they were spilled out on a side walk."

"The animals have arrived, Mr. Indiaman" A young woman said.

"Call me Roger and thanks." A middle aged man, Roger, said.

"Sweet!" There was high pitched voice that was squealing near them. "Daddy, I love them! Can I name them? Should I name them like PJO characters or like the animals in that story in Fanfiction Olympian zoo? Maybe the second." She was about 15, but acting like a 5-year-old.

"Whatever you want, Aladdina, they're all yours."

"Then let's sing the song to them!" Aladdina exclaimed.

"As you wish, Sunshine." Roger said.

"Wait! We have to be on the flying carpet- Wait a second! Why is the dolphin breathing outside the water?"

Artedoe kicked Polphin and he started a monologue:

"Why, Arty, why?! My own sister! I shall forever feel betrayed from thy sudden ambush!"

"Stop being Zeus!" Aphrodove scolded him.

"It hurts, it hurts. I loved you, my no longer fair sibling! Alas, it seems the feeling was not mutual. Thus I shall die betrayed." And he pretended to fall like a sack of potatoes.

"Well, I must say I'm impressed you know words like that, so…" Heracock shrugged.

The whole scene didn't go unnoticed by their new owners. To them it looked like a doe kicking a dolphin, which later acted like a bug that fell on its back, trying to roll over and then suddenly stopped moving at all. As said earlier, it's hard expressing any kind of emotion in an animal's body. After a long awkward silence

"It's a mammal, dear, they don't need water to live. Just to be able to move."

"That is the most unconvincing theory ever, but I will believe you, because the Mist is telling me to." Aladdina shrugged. "Now, off to the garage!"

They led the godnimals to a stinky garage with one of those planes, like the first one – the one that was made of cloth and paper and crashed in a barn, covered in some kind of India-style carpet. That did not inspire their confidence. Suddenly, a person entered the room and sat in the driver's place on the plane and anther one helped Roger get the godnimals on the plane. They didn't object, because they didn't want to ruin the plot and piss off the narrator, right? *_Godnimals nod heads, too scared to be thrown in Tartarus for refusing_* The plane tookoff from the smelly garage and the godnimals started to quail. That didn't bother Aladdina a bit and she started singing with her dad as backup.

_(Aladdina:) We can show you the zoo  
Gross and smelling, overrated  
Tell me, littles and bigs, now when did  
you last let your pea-sized brain decide _

Some of them huffed and Apollo shrugged.__

(Aladdina:)I can open your eyes  
Take you by hoof and by fin  
Over cages and poop  
On a magic carpet ride 

The engine crackled, but they kept flying.__

(Aladdina:)A whole new zoo  
A new traumatic point of view  
Keepers to tell you no  
And where to go  
Or say you're having a nightmare

_(Roger:)A whole new zoo  
A stinky place I know so well  
And when I'm stuck down here  
It's all crystal clear  
That i'm in so not the best zoo_

_With all of you  
(Aladdina:)Now I'm in this hellhole zoo with you_

(Roger:)Unbelievably gross sights  
Indescribably disgusting feelings  
Repulsive, repellent and awful  
Under the endless smoke-covered sky

(Roger:) A hellhole zoo  
(Aladdina:) You'd probably close your eyes  
(Roger:) A hundred thousand gross things to see  
(Aladdina:) Hold your breath- the smell gets worse

By then some were crying. The mutual thought was: WHAT THE HADES HAVE WE GOTTEN OURSELVES IN?!__

(Aladdina:) A whole new world  
(Roger:) Every turn an unpleasant surprise  
(Aladdina:) With new horizons to pursue  
(Roger:) Every moment red letter  
(both:) I'll chase them anywhere,  
There's time to spare,  
Let me share this hellhole zoo with you

(Aladdina:) A hellhole zoo  
(Roger:) A hellhole zoo  
(Aladdina:)That's where you'll be  
(Roger:) That's where you'll be  
(Aladdina:) Unappealing cage  
(Roger:) A murderous place  
(Both:) For you a-

They suddenly stopped singing, because they crashed in something. Or should I say someone. A tired Iris with torn up clothes from the propeller climbed on top of the plane and sat on the carpet. This time Apodolphin was the first to get over the shock,

"Iris!" he cried happily.

Iris turned around and saw them for the first time.

"Polphin! You're alive!" She cried equally happy and embraced him in a breath-taking hug. Then she realized she was making a scene and let him go. The other godnimals snickered, Aphrodove cooed and Aladdina and Roger were pretty much speechless and close to tears from that full of emotion scene. However Iris was red and Polphin was… well, I guess he was staying bluish-gray, because he couldn't blush. Seconds after, the plane landed.

"I'm taking them home, thanks for everything, though!" Iris said after they got off.

"Noooo!" Aladdina shouted. "You're not taking them! They're mine now and-"

But Iris stopped listening, because Owlthee spoke up,

"You should leave us here. You saw what happened on Olympus; it's dangerous there! You'll have to be our eyes and ears there, so we can figure everything out."

"NOO!" Horsedon capsed. _Ahem!_ "Sorry, I meant: Noo! Didn't you listen to the song they sang 2 minutes ago? This is a _HELLHOLE ZOO_! We can't stay here! We'll… um, we can't die so… Anyways, they'll make our immortalities miserable!"

"Relax, Kelp Breath, they're not immortal or something, so we'll be free when they die." Owlthena tried to calmed him down.

"The first one looks about 6! I'm not waiting a century for that hyper-psycho to die!" But she failed miserably.

"Guys, let's listen to the wisdom goddess!" Iris interrupted them. "Owlthena's right; you should stay here, because it's dangerous. I'll go investigate or something. I'll figure it out."

Apodolphin straightened up, "I want to help! Please! I'll be your Apollock again. Will you be my Iritson?"

"I… I… Ok." Iris sighed in defeat. She just couldn't say no.

Meanwhile Aladdina was still screaming and Roger had earplugs on. Iris spoke up,

"Ok, you can keep them-"

"Sweet!" She was kind of bipolar… "I'll name them and feed them and then I'll read them bedtime stories and-"

_Oh, they'll be fine,_ Iris thought, _A little spoiled, probably, but fine…_

"Oh, I have this last question and I'll be gone." She asked, as the godnimals gave her an odd look.

"Yep?"

"Where did you get them from?"

"Oh, there was this woman… She was talking some crazy stuff about respect for minor goddesses. What was her name… um…"

"It was Persephone! I knew it! She always hated us!" Polphin's sudden outburs made everyone look at him weirdly. "Um… then Hebe? Nike? Tyche? Morpheus?"

"He's male, Polph…" Hermes said and Artedoe face palmed.

"Nemesis!" Iris said suddenly.

"Yep, that's her name. Now I'm going to wish you a nice day, lady, I'm going to show our guests their new homes." Aladdina cheered.

They said their goodbyes and Iris promised to visit often to fill them up with whatever she finds. She knew she could do this. With a little help from her swimming friend, of course.

* * *

**Whooohooo! I did it! Now peace out cuz I think my mom is coming! AAHHH! R&R!**


End file.
